How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
