Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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