I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
