I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
