So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
