whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
