i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
