My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
