booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
