shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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