everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
