I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
