I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
