he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
