Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
