Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
