Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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