So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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