He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
