wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
