Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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