I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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