Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
