Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Randomize
