I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
