I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
