in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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