She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
