so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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