Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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