Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
