I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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