she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
