god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
