So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
