I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
