he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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