what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
