He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
