He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my poor anus
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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