turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
