Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
