Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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