I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
