i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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