i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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