and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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