Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
