i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
