how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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