I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
