I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
