I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My bed smells like the plague
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
