Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it glows. i had to have it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
