I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
